Tips on Using First Person Tense
Writing Smoother Narrative in Memoirs, Autobiographies and Fiction
Oct 14, 2009
Even seasoned authors can encounter problems when writing a scene in the first person tense. The word "I" seems to crop up in every sentence – but how can a writer avoid using "I" when the whole book is told in the first person?
There are some simple techniques to reduce the number of appearances of that pesky first person pronoun. It's a case of 'practice makes perfect' for anyone writing memoirs, autobiographies or first person articles and fiction.
Here are some first person examples, showing 'before' and 'after' versions of the scene.
1. Remember That The Story is Already Being Told From Deep Viewpoint
First person narrative is, of necessity, told from deep inside the writer's point of view. Readers understand that they are looking out through the character's eyes and sensing his responses: they hear what he hears, see what he sees, feel what he feels, and tap into his thoughts. The big plus here is that there is no need to keep repeating "I saw" or "I thought".
This first example is taken from a memoir, in a chapter about the author's career. The following four paragraphs show how it is possible to reduce the number of examples of "I" when showing the subject's thoughts and feelings.
Take #1: I walked into the boardroom on that first day at BigBucks Company, and right away I could see that every eye was upon me. I was the new kid in town; I knew I had to prove myself. I also knew that Marlene was angry at being passed over. I'll have to win her over quickly, I thought, or she'll be trying to undermine me... I had heard about her reputation.
The previous paragraph repeats the word "I" seven times, and it appears again in the word "I'll". That's far too much.
See what happens when the writer, assuming that the reader knows these impressions are coming from the mind of the viewpoint character, leaves out most instances of the first person pronoun. (There is no need to write "I thought", either. Since the book is written in the first person, they couldn't be anyone else's thoughts.)
Take #2: On my first day at BigBucks company, I was aware that every eye was upon me the moment I walked into the boardroom – not surprising: as the new kid in town, I had to prove myself. Marlene was there, too, and the grapevine reported that she was angry at being passed over. Her reputation had preceded her: it was important to win her over quickly or she'd be trying to undermine me.
The use of the first person pronoun has been reduced from seven to three, and the word "I'll" has also been cut.
2. Reduce Use of the First Person Pronoun When Writing About the Setting
The setting can be blended into first-person narrative just as smoothly as the character's thoughts and feelings.
Take #1: I slogged up the hill to the lookout, feeling happy that I was back in the country. It was clear that I was out of condition: I started puffing well before the top. Leaning against the railing at the top of the hill, I could see for miles. The town was spread out below me, and just past the row of oak trees at the far end of the main street, I could see the football field where I'd played as a teenager. I noticed that the high school had doubled the number of buildings: the town had grown in the twenty years I'd been away.
Take #2: The road that wound up the hill to the lookout seemed steeper and rougher than it had twenty years before, but it was good to be back in the country. At the top, I leaned on the railing of the observation platform to catch my breath; talk about out of condition! The town was spread out below me: there was the football field where I'd played as a teenager, just past the row of oak trees at the far end of the main street. The number of buildings on the high school grounds had doubled, a sign of the town's growth.
The first person pronoun was used seven times in the first example, and only once in the second.
Initially, authors of a memoir, article or fiction written in the first person might have to settle for writing the scene first, and then coming back to edit later. The good news is that after a while, experience will take over. Writers will find that it becomes second nature to think of creative ways of writing narrative in the first person – and the story will certainly benefit from the changes.
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