A eulogy is a memorial which celebrates and commemorates a loved one. It honors and respects one’s memories and accomplishments. It is most often used for someone who has recently passed. Many remember the eulogies given for individuals such as President John F. Kennedy, Princess Diana, Mother Theresa, or Michael Jackson. These eulogies captured the essence of who they were, what they accomplished, and what their lives meant to family, friends, and to all.
Writing and delivering a eulogy is truly an honor. It is an opportunity to paint a portrait of the deceased through fond memories and anecdotes and helps present a way for family and friends to remember their loved one for years to come.
Eulogies and the Healing Process of Grieving
In the article “Eulogies Honor and Heal” (Garry Schaeffer, FuneralDirectory.com), the author speaks about the healing process of grieving and how a good eulogy can help to both honor the deceased as well as help heal the bereaved. With a little preparation and work, a eulogy can be written to be strong and accomplish what the writer hopes.
Tips for Writing Eulogies
There are a number of tips that can help one design a good eulogy. Remember, though, that a eulogy needs to be written from the heart. To be touching and meaningful one does not need a lot of content and detail, but rather personal reflection. In this way, whatever one writes and says will be excellent and appreciated by those in attendance.
- First, talk with family members and close friends – even co-workers, to gather information about the departed. Ask for their recollections and stories. Gather anecdotes, stories or real life experiences that captured his or her personality such as holiday adventures, work anecdotes, phrases or jokes he used to say over and over, etc.
- Second, integrate your own memories. Remember your relationship with the deceased, and things you did together, touching memories, humorous events, and what you will miss the most about the person.
- Third, embellish. Be creative, give examples, give descriptions, elaborate. Include a poem, stories or even read and comment from scripture.
- Fourth, remember that the purpose of a eulogy is to allow guests and participants to remember the person fondly – who they were, what they did and what they enjoyed about life. It is not the time for caustic remarks or the time to point out the person’s weaknesses unless it can be done so in a humorous and positive light. It certainly is not the time to point out one’s sins and failings. Resist any urge to “tell it like it was.”
- Fifth, one does not have to overload the eulogy with details. Sometimes it is best to choose one or two, and just reflect and build upon those examples relating to other characteristics like strong values. A good eulogy is a condensed life history of the person who has died, and a brief summary about family, friends, work/career, interests, and achievements.
If one is delivering the eulogy, introduce yourself with a few words. Some may not know the speaker or the relationship to the deceased. Share happy memories. Refer to the family – a wife or husband or children and show what she or he has meant for them. Avoid speaking too fast. An occasional pause or extra breath is allowable. If one needs to cry that is fine as well, after all this is a very sad time and many will understand and appreciate it. It is best to prepare it in writing and not attempt to present it by memory or “off the cuff.” In this regard it remains organized and in the manner the speaker originally intended. Be sure too, to print or type it with large font so it can be easily read.
Finally, if after reflection one feels that this is too large of a task, remember that there are professional writers that specialize with eulogies. They charge a fee, but may be able to craft a eulogy tailored to the exact need and situation. An internet search provides several such services. Just remember to review their work and/or recommendations before contacting them.
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